A Decade of Uncertainty
Constant Change and Becoming Content
All that you touch, you change. All that you change, changes you. — Octavia Butler.
All of us have experienced momentous uncertainty over the last ten years. We have been continually adapting to a new and changing world. I’m not the same person I was back then, and I expect that’s true for you too, dear reader. In this piece, I will share how the pandemic, the worsening global tensions, and my own aging have all been transformative for me.
The post-pandemic me
The pandemic was a difficult, scary time for all of us. We realized that being separated from family and friends negatively impacts our mental and physical health. We missed major family events like birthdays, weddings, graduations, and holiday celebrations. Since then, I make it my highest priority to spend time with my family and friends. Now, with technology like Zoom, we can connect instantly with those who live far away.
My self-image has also changed. Before the pandemic, I saw myself as older, yet I felt sturdy and strong. During the pandemic, all of us over 65 were constantly being told in the media that we were the most vulnerable people and we should take extra precautions. Sadly, this was true. A recent CDC study published in JAMA Internal Medicine found that over 80% of the 1.2 million people in the US who died from COVID-19 were over 65 years old.
Not unsurprisingly, perhaps, the sense of vulnerability has stayed with me. I still find myself sometimes shying away from crowds. Staying home has more appeal than venturing abroad into the unknown, or even to the next town. I tend to avoid risky situations. Once a world adventurer, I am more of a homebody than I ever expected.
Uncertainty in escalating world challenges
Over the past ten years, it has become clear that many of the world’s problems are more serious and intractable than we realized. For instance, climate change is escalating more rapidly than we believed a decade ago. At the same time, our efforts to reverse these trends have decreased in many respects.
We had hoped for a decade of peace, but unfortunately, we are currently facing numerous wars and conflicts, many of which have been initiated by the United States. The situation does not appear likely to change anytime soon. Additionally, some of our collaborative agreements have been terminated, leading to a decline in trust among our allies.
Economic inequality has always existed in the U.S., but the wealth gap between the richest and the rest of us has widened exponentially. Grocery prices are constantly rising, and there seems to be no relief on the horizon. Furthermore, the constitutional checks and balances between our branches of government don’t seem to function effectively most of the time. And then there is artificial intelligence to consider, another new and potentially dangerous threat to our safety.
This is not a pretty picture. I have always been an optimist, a glass half-full kind of person. However, I no longer believe that the world is making gradual progress. For the first time, I think an apocalypse is possible, and it seems conceivable that human life could come to an end. I am worried for my grandchildren.
At one point, I stopped watching the news for weeks, but I soon realized I wanted to be informed about what was happening, no matter how bad it was. I picked up my old habit of following the news closely and have remained concerned ever since.
I often feel helpless. At my age, there doesn’t seem much I can do except support the causes I believe in. I have increased the donations in my will for climate change initiatives. Every Friday morning, I stand outside with a dozen other elderly people, carrying signs in support of democracy. It may not seem like much, but it makes me feel better to be doing something, no matter how small.
A decade of aging
My balance is now somewhat problematic, and I can walk far less than I could before. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ‘mild to moderate’ hearing loss, and hearing aids helped but did not solve it. My sleep patterns have changed; occasionally, I can’t fall asleep at all. Yet, for the first time in my life, I have actually fallen asleep in lectures. I have less energy these days. Sometimes I feel wobbly, only to realize it’s because I am dehydrated. More distressing are my memory lapses. Fairly often, when I have an event in the afternoon, I miss it entirely because I am napping or I simply forget about it.
All that said, there are many positive aspects to my life. I am continuously learning about a variety of subjects from Ancient Egypt to Conversational French. I have become a better writer from being in my Writer’s group. I am wiser, kinder, more patient, and less anxious than I was in the past. I believe many of these positive changes are the result of an online Buddhist meditation that I have attended most weekday mornings for the last six years.
I feel strongly that it is not widely understood or appreciated that many older people continue to learn, grow, and flourish for the better, even into their final days.
Content
I am comfortable with being in the last phase of life — what I call the 4th Act. I have managed to handle the changes that life has thrown my way. I am happy in my nineties, but it is a different kind of happiness. I get more pleasure from the small, ordinary things. What I feel nowadays is better captured by the word content than happy.
Living to an old age is truly a privilege. I feel that in living so long and staying engaged along the journey, I am now blooming like an October wildflower. Yes, I am content.
“True contentment is not having everything, but in being satisfied with everything you have.” — Oscar Wilde.
Thank you again for doing this. Your blogs help us bettter understand old-age living. You are inspiring and awesome to be still doing this.
Thank you for another hopeful blog. Is it possible to give us the name of the on line meditation group you belong to? Thank you in advance!
You are important to so many people! Your blogs are so inspiring-keep writing and know we care about you!