Befriending Our Aging Bodies
- Katharine Esty
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
Pathways to a better body image and more well-being
“I hate my legs.” “I can’t stand the bags under my eyes.” “My wrinkles — Ugh.” “My neck droops.” Many older people relentlessly disparage their bodies. While there are many reasons for this negativity, it is not the whole story.
Before proceeding, I’d like to clarify what I mean by body image. It refers to the perception we have of our bodies and our feelings about that perception. Do we have affection toward our older bodies, or do we hold a negative attitude?
Reasons for our negativity
As we age, our bodies undergo constant changes, often in ways we don’t welcome. By the time we reach seventy, we might experience conditions like arthritis, hair loss, diabetes, and other chronic issues. Our hips, knees, shoulders, and backs may have developed aches and pains that limit our activity. Some of us feel cold all the time and wear sweaters to bed. Others may take frequent naps during the day, while some struggle to get a good night’s sleep.
We are bombarded daily by images of near-perfect bodies in the media. Achieving a commercially “perfect body” has always been unrealistic for the vast majority of us. It seems prevalent and easy due to technology like Photoshop, FaceTune, and AI. The idealized images of the young and beautiful that we see on television and our phones can negatively impact our self-esteem. Meanwhile, as people grow older, they often feel invisible, receiving very little attention compared to their younger counterparts. I have spoken with women as young as fifty who express feelings of not being seen.
We are showered by advertisements for countless products and services that claim to enhance our looks and eliminate signs of aging. These include a wide range of cosmetics, Botox treatments, pills, weight loss programs, and surgical procedures. We continue buying them because we don’t like our bodies as they are and remain hopeful that the next product will finally make us look better and feel happier.
Good News
Even though growing old in America is not easy, and we all experience losses in our body’s capabilities, there are unexpected benefits that come with age as well. As we enter our seventies, many of us start to recognize the preciousness of life itself. We begin to view our bodies with gratitude and fondness. This is the paradox of aging: despite experiencing significant losses, we become grateful just to be alive. It is enough.
Here’s an example of how gratitude can sound, from a recent conversation with Vera, a woman in her nineties. She told me, “I am pleased with my body, and it is working quite well. I like my belly, arms, and shoulders, although my legs don’t always behave as they should. I can sleep well, and I like what exercise does for my body. When things go awry, I swear. When all is working well, I am quiet about it. I believe it’s not proper to discuss my good fortune.” Like many older people, Vera feels lucky.
With age, we become more capable of viewing our blemishes and scars as symbols of all we have endured and survived. We stop comparing ourselves to celebrities and, in fact, stop comparing ourselves to anyone at all. Our new hips, knees, and shoulders are daily reminders of the gifts of modern medicine. We take better care of our bodies, and for many of us, self-care has become a new job.
I have adopted four practices into my daily life: exercise, meditation, yoga, and a gratitude practice. These habits have helped me feel new affection and appreciation for my body.
Exercise
My journey began years ago when I suffered an incredibly painful back injury. When my doctor recommended daily exercises, emphasizing that they could help prevent another injury, I listened. I did the exercises faithfully, driven by my fear of experiencing such pain again. I haven’t faced any serious issues with my back since.
Meditation
My second important pathway to well-being is meditation. After numerous attempts and failures, I finally committed to an 8-week course. This time, my determination paid off, and the results have been truly life-changing. My high blood pressure remains stable, and my stress levels have decreased significantly. Additionally, my overall sense of well-being has improved. I meditate almost every day, and I rely on this practice to keep me grounded and at peace.
Yoga
In my mid-seventies, I found my way to a yoga class of people around my age. Practicing the various poses, stretching, and holding positions made me aware of my body in a new way. I loved the feeling of total relaxation after each class. Our teacher often had us massage our feet and toes. Initially, I thought that part of the class was pointless and silly. However, to my surprise, I gained an appreciation of all my feet had done for me throughout my long life. That yoga class helped me befriend my body in a whole new way.
Gratitude Practice
Studies indicate that expressing gratitude can enhance overall health and happiness and may also positively influence longevity. About ten years ago, I started a gratitude practice. Most mornings, as I wake up, I tell myself — sometimes out loud — three things I am grateful for. Often, these include my health, my family, and my friends, but my list varies. I believe that this simple practice has been essential in enhancing my satisfaction with both my body and my life. I highly recommend it to all of you, dear readers.
I recently asked several seventy and eighty-year-olds how they maintain their physical well-being. One individual often makes a toast: “Here’s to all the parts of our bodies that are still working well.” Another person uses the acronym HALTS as a reminder to check in with herself: “I stop every now and then and ask myself, Am I Hungry? Am I Angry? Am I Lonely? Am I Tired? Am I Scared?” This is a quick and effective way to stay connected with the needs of both body and mind. I frequently say, “May I live within my body, at ease, at peace, and at home.” It reminds me that my body is my home.
